Gideon Defoe Quotes.

1. "I would like to tell you that I wrote my book to push back artistic boundaries. But I didn't. I wrote it to impress a girl."
- Quote by Gideon Defoe

2. "I really didn't write it with any intention of being published. If I'd known that was going to happen, I would have written something more sensible, because now I have to dress up as a pirate for book signings... I would have done a novel about a man who hangs around with a gaggle of models."
- Quote by Gideon Defoe

3. "The pirates left the boat in the Thames, next to the Palace of Westminster. They deliberately parked across two disabled spaces, because that kind of behaviour was pretty much the whole point of being a pirate."
- Quote by Gideon Defoe

4. "I’m making a list of when it’s acceptable for a pirate to cry. […] So far I’ve got: one - when holding a seagull covered in oil. Two - when singing a shanty that reminds him of orphans. Three - when confronted with the unremitting loneliness of the human condition. Four - chops. I’ve just written the word ‘chops’. Not really sure where I was going with that one. Any ideas?"
- Gideon Defoe, The Pirates! In an Adventure with Ahab

5. "Here's your first problem," he said, pointing at a sentence. "'Religion is the opium of the people.' Well, I don't know about people, but I think you'll find that the opium of pirates is actual opium."
- Gideon Defoe, The Pirates! In an Adventure with Communists

6. "Babbage's Three Laws of Difference Engines First Law: A difference engine must have at least six cogs. Second Law: A difference engine must be able to operate a loom. Third law: A difference engine must be able to kill a man, should the mood so take it."
- Gideon Defoe, The Pirates! in an Adventure with the Romantics

7. "You don't know what it is to live and laugh and love and run a man through! You've never tasted salty air on your tongue or waved heartily at a mermaid!"
- Gideon Defoe, The Pirates! in an Adventure with the Romantics

8. "You can't reduce passion and flair and eating ham to numbers, sir!"
- Gideon Defoe, The Pirates! in an Adventure with the Romantics

9. "It's like my old Aunt Joan always used to say: if you're going to end up fighting monsters, Pirate Captain, try to stick to ventriloquist's dummies who have gone alive."
- Gideon Defoe, The Pirates! in an Adventure with the Romantics

10. "If you knew how many hidden depths I had your pretty eyes would pop right out of your winsome face. Not literally of course - that would be disgusting. I wouldn’t envy the man who had to clean up a pair of popped eyes, especially given the state of this deck. I’m not sure we even have any cleaning products that work for popped eyes, although I suppose a general viscera cleaner would do the trick."
- Gideon Defoe, The Pirates! in an Adventure with the Romantics