Tim Dorsey Quotes.

1. "Relieve stress through hysterical screaming."
- Quote by Tim Dorsey

2. "I don't suffer from insanity. I can actually say that I enjoy it."
- Quote by Tim Dorsey

3. "Serge's attention-deficit disorder was the first of many hyphens. Obsessive-compulsive, manic-depressive, anal-retentive, paranoid-schizophrenic. He was believed to be the only self-inflicted case of shaken-baby syndrome."
- Quote by Tim Dorsey

4. "I realize the congressman isn't in. I want you to deliver this message to him personally: Tell him to shut his goddamn mouth!... I know we're working behind the scenes to protect the oil company from its victims. That's exactly why he needs to go mute. Those were the strict ground rules from the beginning of his term: no press conferences, no interviews except Fox, and sit like a silent lump in the committee... Because he's fucking stupid! And I'm not going to let him throw this away! Do you have any idea how hard it was to get a moron like that elected?"
- Quote by Tim Dorsey

5. "‎"[Those] on fixed incomes are the nation's math elite." from pg.88 of Atomic Lobster."
- Quote by Tim Dorsey

6. "I smell panic," said Serge. "These are different animals now. They're starting to winnow out the weak at the fringe of the herd. We need to hurry or this could affect our snack situation."
- Quote by Tim Dorsey

7. "Yes Serge has killed a lot of people , but let's not overlook all of his other accomplishments."
- Quote by Tim Dorsey

8. "...And another item from the growing file of people who voluntarily wear dunce caps... You'll be talking cordially to someone and make an offhand reference, 'I recently read where--' and they'll cut you off and say, 'Oh, I don't read'... This is a tragedy on so many different levels. First, because they don't read, they don't know enough to keep it to themselves. Next, and this is the most amazing part, they use a demeaning tone like I'm the stupid one for wasting time with books."
- Tim Dorsey, Tiger Shrimp Tango

9. "Most people think the Lego corporation assembled a crack team of world-class experts to engineer Mini-Florida on a computer, but I’m not buying it. You aren’t? asked Coleman. It’s way too good. Serge pointed at a two-story building in Key West. Examine the meticulous green shutters on Hemingway’s house. No, my money is on a lone-wolf manic type like the famous Latvian Edward Leedskalnin, who single-handedly built the Coral Castle back in the twenties. He operated in secret, moving multi-ton hewn boulders south of Miami, and nobody knows how he did it. Probably happened here as well: The Lego people conducting an exhaustive nationwide search among the obsessive-compulsive community. But they had to be selective and stay away from the ones whose entire houses are filled to the ceiling with garbage bags of their own hair. Then they most likely found some cult guru living in a remote Lego ashram south of Pueblo with nineteen wives, offered him unlimited plastic blocks and said, ‘Knock yourself out."
- Tim Dorsey, Tiger Shrimp Tango

10. "You never get over something like that. You just try to keep it in a box on an out-of-the-way shelf in your brain. But then you open the closet to look for an old sousaphone—"
- Tim Dorsey, Tiger Shrimp Tango

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