Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box Quotes.

1. "Self-betrayal 1. An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of self-betrayal. 2. When I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal. 3. When I see the world in a self-justifying way, my view of reality becomes distorted. 4. So — when I betray myself, I enter the box."
- The Arbinger Institute, Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box

2. "Self-deception is like this. It blinds us to the true causes of problems, and once we’re blind, all the solutions we can think of will actually make matters worse. Whether at work or at home, self-deception obscures the truth about ourselves, corrupts our view of others and our circumstances, and inhibits our ability to make wise and helpful decisions."
- The Arbinger Institute, Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box

3. "Living the material Don’t try to be perfect. Do try to be better. Don’t use the vocabulary—the box, and so on—with people who don’t already know it. Do use the principles in your own life. Don’t look for others’ boxes. Do look for your own. Don’t accuse others of being in the box. Do try to stay out of the box yourself. Don’t give up on yourself when you"
- The Arbinger Institute, Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box

4. "As usual, there aren’t enough last minutes."
- The Arbinger Institute, Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box

5. "They’re all examples of self-betrayal — times when I had a sense of something I should do for others but didn’t do it."
- The Arbinger Institute, Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box

6. "discover you’ve been in the box. Do keep trying. Don’t deny that you’ve been in the box when you have been. Do apologize; then just keep marching forward, trying to be more helpful to others in the future. Don’t focus on what others are doing wrong. Do focus on what you can do right to help. Don’t worry whether others are helping you. Do worry whether you are helping others."
- The Arbinger Institute, Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box

7. "It’s my proof that others are as blameworthy as I’ve claimed them to be — and that I’m as innocent as I claim myself to be. The behavior I complain about is the very behavior that justifies me. Bud placed both hands on the table and leaned toward me. So simply by being in the box, he said slowly and earnestly, I provoke in others the very behavior I say I hate in them. And they then provoke in me the very behavior they say they hate in me. Bud turned and added another sentence to the principles about self-betrayal: Self-betrayal 1. An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of self-betrayal. 2. When I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal. 3. When I see the world in a self-justifying way, my view of reality becomes distorted. 4. So—when I betray myself, I enter the box. 5. Over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me, and I carry them with me. 6. By being in the box, I provoke others to be in the box. 7. In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification. We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box."
- The Arbinger Institute, Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box

8. "The more people we can find to agree with our side of the story, the more justified we will feel in believing that side of the story."
- The Arbinger Institute, Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box

9. "The bigger problem was that I couldn’t see that I had a problem."
- The Arbinger Institute, Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box

10. "That’s right. The truth is, her faults seemed relevant to whether I should help her only after I failed to help her. I focused on and inflated her faults when I needed to feel justified for mine. After I betrayed myself, the truth was just the opposite of what I thought it was."
- The Arbinger Institute, Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box

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