Selected Tweets Quotes.

1. "I don’t actually enjoy parties or relationships, I just like the idea that I could maybe be in either of those things"
- Tao Lin, Selected Tweets

2. "PRO TIP: IF YOU’RE SAD AND ALONE IN THE PLACE YOU LIVE THEN YOU GO TO ANOTHER PLACE YOU WILL STILL BE SAD AND ALONE WHEN YOU COME BACK"
- Tao Lin, Selected Tweets

3. "people who don’t know what to title their novels/movies can title them ‘where’s waldo’ and insert waldo (or not, depending on tone) in one scene"
- Tao Lin, Selected Tweets

4. "I want my funeral to be a pizza party with 500 pizzas and nobody is allowed to leave until all the pizzas are eaten"
- Tao Lin, Selected Tweets

5. "Good morning, this is Dan Rather, with the news. Today, [person] died in an insanely nonhumorous manner"
- Tao Lin, Selected Tweets

6. "Sorry, I’d love to hang out with you but this alcohol isn’t going to drink itself into incoherence and liver failure"
- Tao Lin, Selected Tweets

7. "A child said to me ‘Do you want to see my penis?’ and I said ‘Maybe when you’re older’ and his mom said ‘What’s wrong with you?’ so I said ‘Okay, show me your penis now I guess"
- Tao Lin, Selected Tweets

8. "I may not be confident or ambitious but at least I’m not confident and ambitious"
- Tao Lin, Selected Tweets

9. "periods are the only thing i can think of where its a problem if you don’t bleed"
- Tao Lin, Selected Tweets

10. "just became so overwhelmed with potential food options that i actually cried"
- Tao Lin, Selected Tweets