The Android's Dream Quotes.

1. "Dirk Moeller didn’t know if he could fart his way into a major diplomatic incident. But he was ready to find out."
- John Scalzi, The Android's Dream

2. "Even then, retailers learned early that shoppers prefer their shopping suggestions not be too truthful. One of the great unwritten chapters of retail intelligence programming featured a personal shopper program that all-too-accurately modeled the shoppers’ desires and outputted purchase ideas based on what shoppers really wanted as opposed to what they wanted known that they wanted. This resulted in one overcompensatingly masculine test user receiving suggestions for an anal plug and a tribute art book for classic homoerotic artist Tom of Finland, while a female test user in the throes of a nasty divorce received suggestions for a small handgun, a portable bandsaw, and several gallons of an industrial solvent used to reduce organic matter to an easily drainable slurry."
- John Scalzi, The Android's Dream

3. "You have to eliminate the low-hanging targets first, on the off chance you were dealing with morons."
- John Scalzi, The Android's Dream

4. "Oh for God's sake how divine can I be? My feet hurt, I have gas and I need to pee."
- John Scalzi, The Android's Dream

5. "You’re all so busy tending to your own personal tree that you don’t look around to see that the forest is on fire."
- John Scalzi, The Android's Dream

6. "One of the great unwritten chapters of retail intelligence programming featured a personal shopper program that all-too-accurately modeled the shoppers’ desires and outputted purchase ideas based on what shoppers really wanted as opposed to what they wanted known that they wanted. This resulted in one overcompensatingly masculine test user receiving suggestions for an anal plug and a tribute art book for classic homoerotic artist Tom of Finland, while a female test user in the throes of a nasty divorce received suggestions for a small handgun, a portable bandsaw, and several gallons of an industrial solvent used to reduce organic matter to an easily drainable slurry. After history’s first recorded instance of a focus group riot, the personal shopper program was extensively rewritten."
- John Scalzi, The Android's Dream

7. "In politics as in high school, who you are is to a large extent defined by who you sit with at lunch, and there was no doubt about it, the Earth was sitting at the loser table. It was not, Bob Pope thought, the true destiny of the Earth in our universe to be counted among the diplomatic equivalent of the acne-ridden and the furtively masturbating."
- John Scalzi, The Android's Dream

8. "Nice is nice, Hayter-Ross said. But being a bitch gets results."
- John Scalzi, The Android's Dream

9. "You're insane!" "Call me HAL and make me sing 'Daisy, Daisy'."
- John Scalzi, The Android's Dream

10. "I have to tell him that the sheep we’re looking for is a woman who runs a pet store, Creek said. I think telling him his younger brother’s been resurrected as a computer program might be a little much for one day.   Archie"
- John Scalzi, The Android's Dream

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