Tiger Shrimp Tango Quotes.

1. "...And another item from the growing file of people who voluntarily wear dunce caps... You'll be talking cordially to someone and make an offhand reference, 'I recently read where--' and they'll cut you off and say, 'Oh, I don't read'... This is a tragedy on so many different levels. First, because they don't read, they don't know enough to keep it to themselves. Next, and this is the most amazing part, they use a demeaning tone like I'm the stupid one for wasting time with books."
- Tim Dorsey, Tiger Shrimp Tango

2. "Most people think the Lego corporation assembled a crack team of world-class experts to engineer Mini-Florida on a computer, but I’m not buying it. You aren’t? asked Coleman. It’s way too good. Serge pointed at a two-story building in Key West. Examine the meticulous green shutters on Hemingway’s house. No, my money is on a lone-wolf manic type like the famous Latvian Edward Leedskalnin, who single-handedly built the Coral Castle back in the twenties. He operated in secret, moving multi-ton hewn boulders south of Miami, and nobody knows how he did it. Probably happened here as well: The Lego people conducting an exhaustive nationwide search among the obsessive-compulsive community. But they had to be selective and stay away from the ones whose entire houses are filled to the ceiling with garbage bags of their own hair. Then they most likely found some cult guru living in a remote Lego ashram south of Pueblo with nineteen wives, offered him unlimited plastic blocks and said, ‘Knock yourself out."
- Tim Dorsey, Tiger Shrimp Tango

3. "You never get over something like that. You just try to keep it in a box on an out-of-the-way shelf in your brain. But then you open the closet to look for an old sousaphone—"
- Tim Dorsey, Tiger Shrimp Tango

4. "It would have been the middle of nowhere if it had been closer to other places."
- Tim Dorsey, Tiger Shrimp Tango

5. "Most people walk through life without ever noticing the little clues all around that something’s not right. Another toilet lid crashed in front of them and Serge pulled a porcelain splinter from his arm. In Florida, you just have to filter out the background weirdness."
- Tim Dorsey, Tiger Shrimp Tango

6. "You know what the worst customer service in the world is? I’ll tell you. It’s the weed guys. You just cannot depend on these people. They’ll give you a time, right? And you’re looking forward to it all week and get off work on Friday at five. Of course I personally wouldn’t know, but I’ve heard of people with jobs. And the weed guy never shows up, and he doesn’t answer his phone, and you drive by his house and his car’s gone, and then you’re totally un-stoned at midnight and accidentally bump into the guy at a party and go, ‘Dude, what’s the deal? We had a time,’ and he says, ‘I was doin’ stuff,’ and I say, ‘Like what?’ and he says, ‘Listenin’ to music’ . . . Coleman—"
- Tim Dorsey, Tiger Shrimp Tango

7. "She blew her nose like a British ambulance, and her sob story had more twists than a dragon parade in Chinatown."
- Tim Dorsey, Tiger Shrimp Tango

8. "State Road 60 is one of those great old Florida drives. From Tampa on the west coast to Vero Beach on the east, rolling through Mulberry and Bartow and Yeehaw Junction. Phosphate mines and orange groves and cows loitering near water holes in vast open flats dotted with sabal palms, stretching for miles, making the sky big. Here and there were the kind of occasional, isolated farmhouses that made people subconsciously think: Do they get Internet? In the middle of one overgrown field stood a single concrete wall, several stories high, covered with grime and mildew, the ancient ruins of a drive-in theater. The top of the wall was the last thing to catch a warm glow from the setting sun."
- Tim Dorsey, Tiger Shrimp Tango

9. "I’ve decided to totally rededicate my entire life to being a private eye. Your life, too. Is this like all your other rededications? No! Serge pounded his fist on the dash. Those were all spur-of-the-moment impulsive flights of silliness. Like my last idiotic idea of becoming a house hunter. Where’s the challenge?"
- Tim Dorsey, Tiger Shrimp Tango

10. "There’s only one thing holding America back from realizing her full glory. Ready? You want to write this down? No? Okay, here it is: We need to stop taking ourselves so seriously."
- Tim Dorsey, Tiger Shrimp Tango

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