We Thought You Would Be Prettier: True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl Alive Quotes.

1. "As soon as Nicholas was born, my mother swore she'd rather see her daughters become Jehovah's Witnesses or pole dancers before she saw her first grandchild in daycare when my sister went back to work. I don't think it was originally the idea of daycare that didn't sit well with her but the fact that there, in a bassinet, was a fresh slate, a lump of clay that could be worked on and molded into the perfect child who had eluded her the first time around with her own daughters."
- Laurie Notaro, We Thought You Would Be Prettier: True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl Alive

2. "...Is it just another pore expanding? God, I already have pores the size of pudding cups, that's the last thing I need, another pore...to fill in with spackle."
- Laurie Notaro, We Thought You Would Be Prettier: True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl Alive

3. "It's a proclamation he regards as complete absolution from answering...as if his last name was Bush, he was eighteen, and there was a draft going on."
- Laurie Notaro, We Thought You Would Be Prettier: True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl Alive

4. "Okay, okay,' I said to my husband as he picked up a food dehydrator off the table and shot me a look. 'Maybe I did get carried away. Maybe the world won't end in a year, maybe it won't end until 2028, when the Aztec calendar stops.' 'The Bugles will be very old by then,' my husband said. 'They will have lost their snappy crunch.' 'They weren't to eat,' I said. 'They were to put on our fingers and poke the eyes out of looters."
- Laurie Notaro, We Thought You Would Be Prettier: True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl Alive