When You Are Engulfed in Flames Quotes.

1. "Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto."
- David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames

2. "It's just a penis, right? Probably no worse for you than smoking."
- David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames

3. "This left me alone to solve the coffee problem - a sort of catch-22, as in order to think straight I need caffeine, and in order to make that happen I need to think straight."
- David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames

4. "Most people would have found it grotesque, but when you're in love nothing is so abstract or horrible that it can't be thought of as cute."
- David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames

5. "High school taught me a valuable lesson about glasses: Don't wear them. Contacts have always seemed like too much work, so instead I just squint, figuring that if something is more than ten feet away, I'll just deal with it when I get there."
- David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames

6. "It's astonishing the amount of time that certain straight people devote to gay sex - trying to determine what goes where and how often. They can't imagine any system outside their own, and seem obsessed with the idea of roles, both in bed and out of it. Who calls whom a bitch? Who cries harder when the cat dies? Which one spends the most time in the bathroom? I guess they think that it's that cut-and-dried, though of course it's not. Hugh might do the cooking, and actually wear an apron while he's at it, but he also chops the firewood, repairs the hot-water heater, and could tear off my arm with no more effort than it takes to uproot a dandelion."
- David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames

7. "Kools and Newports were for black people and lower-class whites. Camels were for procrastinators, those who wrote bad poetry, and those who put off writing bad poetry. Merits were for sex addicts, Salems were for alcoholics, and Mores were for people who considered themselves to be outrageous but really weren't."
- David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames

8. "It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America."
- David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames

9. "Like any normal fifth grader, I preferred my villains to be evil and stay that way, to act like Dracula rather than Frankenstein's monster, who ruined everything by handing that peasant girl a flower. He sort of made up for it by drowning her a few minutes later, but, still, you couldn't look at him the same way again."
- David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames

10. "It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers."
- David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames

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